This blog is not a "pickup" blog. Which means that this post is not a post about "game". "Game" is lame. "Game" focuses on manipulating human psychology and faking characteristics that make a man attractive in order to physically attract a woman. That's weak. However, I know that becoming an attractive man is a topic that many men struggle with (I know I did). There is nothing wrong with wanting to be more appealing to the opposite sex. At the end of the day, if you want a good, healthy family, you need a good, high quality partner. And to get that partner, you need to be a good, high-quality man yourself. It's not rocket science. But I know that for many men, specifically young ones, the particular question of how to be a man that high-quality women want to be with is one that fills up most of their mental space. And this is a blog for men that want to be better, so allow me to share with you a couple of very important characteristics that you ought to pursue in order to find yourself a good partner.
Before we start, a disclaimer: this advice works and should be followed both by single men, and by men in a relationship. Attraction is equally (if not more) important if you already have a partner. You can't slack off if you've already found a good woman. If you wish to keep her, you better keep your value high. There's a common mistake that men make and that is, they find a good woman, and then they slack off and become fat, lazy and boring. And then, their wife leaves them and they're left wondering what happened. Dude, it's your responsibility to be attractive to your wife, same as it's her responsibility to be an attractive woman for you. Physical attraction is important in a relationship (no shit). Maintain it, or watch your relationship suffer.
One of the reasons why I now practically despise the whole "pickup" thing, is that it's deceiving. You're basically trying to crack the code of attraction without being truly an attractive man. Pickup is like trying to learn a cheat code. You don't know or understand what you're doing, you just have a pre-recorded answer to anything that a woman might say to you. How lame is that? Maybe it works, but it works for the wrong reasons. And, more importantly, a valuable woman will see right through that shit.
Instead, just be honest. Be honest with your words and deeds. Be honest with your limitations and seek to improve on them. Honesty is not simply accepting your shortcomings, but recognizing that you can be better and working to achieve that. This is not only in relationship to women, it's general life advice.
Practicing "game" is pretending and faking that you're a valuable man, while being honest means actually becoming that valuable man.
Another consequence of pickup culture is that men now overcomplicate things way too much. "Oh she said this, I'm supposed to say this and that while leaning at precisely a 45 degree angle away from her and while looking her in the eyes for exactly 2,3 seconds". Not an exaggeration by the way. "Oh she answered my text after two hours, I have to wait exactly five or she'll lose all attraction for me". Again, not exaggerating. Many men think exactly like that. Dude, grow up. Just do you. If you become a valuable man, those things won't matter. Stop keeping track of everything and allowing your whole persona to be a series of preconceived reactions to her actions. Women don't like that.
Instead, just do what feels right. You're supposed to be the leader, and every time you're waiting for her to act first so that you can carefully choose your response from your internal list of acceptable responses. That's reactive, and not very attractive. Lead, act, and do what is right. That's it.
Know your worth. But, also know that you're not worth something simply for being alive. You are worth what you make of yourself. This advice is twofold, then: work hard to become valuable, this means smarter, stronger, more succesful, more honest, more virtuous. And then, believe in yourself. Be confident, bold, and strong. Stop asking for permission for everything. Look people in the eye. Have a firm handshake. Create your worth and then believe in your value. You can be the greatest man on earth, but until you believe that and show that you are confident in your capabilities, not many women will pay attention to you. In short, earn your confidence and show it proudly.
Learn to fight
Apart from the multiple benefits of learning to fight that I've already discussed amptly in previous posts, being a man that can defend himself is incredibly attractive to women. In an age of soy and pencil-necks, the man that returns to the traditional masculine archetype of the warrior stands out from the crowd. Fighting has many practical benefits, but it also helps you be more attractive to women. Women like a man that can protect himself, and protect her. Women like a man that has physical prowess. Regardless of what feminist retoric may claim, women absolutely do not like soft, harmless men. Soft, harmless men are equivalent to girlfriends for women. In a partner, females want men that show masculine characteristics, and being able to fight is one of those. Fighting is mandatory, so you better join your local martial arts gym and stop making excuses.
Be clean and well groomed
You can be the most amazing man in the world, but if you stink, have bad breath and are unkempt, your success with women will drop drastically. Now, don't take this to mean that you should reach metrosexual levels of grooming. Nobody is saying that you should pluck your eyebrows (if you do, please unfollow). But, you do need to brush your teeth, shower, dress appropiately and keep your hair and beard clean. That's the bare minimum. Be conscious of your appearance. There's nothing ghey about that. As long as you don't become obsessed with looking pretty, you'll be fine.
If you look good and are clean, you'll be more confident and you'll represent your ideals better.
Another non-negotiable manly characteristic. Lift heavy weights. Don't do this simply to have an aesthetic body. Do it because it's right. Do it for the increased mental toughness that you'll have after a couple of months of beating your own weakness. Train hard in the gym.
Don't neglect training your neck and forearms. A muscular neck and big forearms scream real, manly strength more than any other muscle in your body.
PUA's have a point. For a woman to find you attractive, you need to be able to engage in interesting, fun conversations with her. The problem with the pick-up method is that the men that practice it aren't really interesting men, they just pretend to be. This can work at first, but after dating for some weeks, the woman will see through that and find out that the man that seemed cool and fun at first is no more than a big fraud.
We can learn from this. Women like men that are interesting and have stories to tell. Make a conscious effort to gather experiences, to try out different things, to be adventurous in your endeavors. Read interesting books, visit new places, and make your life fun.
Then, learn how to tell a story and practice the art of conversation. This is a fundamental skill for dating purposes, business purposes, and in life in general.
As you've probably noticed, every piece of advice previously discussed focuses on improving yourself, as opposed to focusing on giving you a script that you can follow when talking to girls. This is because the "secret" of attraction is no secret at all: a valuable man attracts valuable women. I'm blessed to have an amazing woman by my side not because I said the right things at exactly the right time, but because I've worked hard to become a good man, to become a manly man. And good women see that. And they like that.
Seek not to attract more women, seek to become a man that a good woman will want to be with. And everything else will fall into place.
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